"You will, huh? Well, you'll have to help my break my plateau.
With a slight chub at the thought of the new experience I was about to have, I messaged back. I'd kill some time with this thirsty, anonymous guy and go from there. I'd planned to stay in and had already ordered Chinese, a rare indulgence nowadays, which should be here in a half-hour or so.
Why not? It's not like I was doing anything else tonight. I'd never really done the role-play.thing. Maybe if I'd had one I wouldn't have given up on gaining years ago. From the photo he had a distinctly athletic build, and although there was no guarantee that was what he actually looked like, I liked the idea of a muscular encourager one who wouldn't let my doubts get in the way of getting fatter. Not uncommon, but he'd been on the site for a while so he probably wasn't a troll or a throwaway account. Instafeeder's profile, other than a picture of a man in a baseball cap, was blank. Still, the message seemed like many of the generic ones I used to get. Nowadays I'm a mere 160lbs, and at 6ft with a bit more muscle that means I only have a little padding over my midsection and little else. Since then I'd stopped gaining, started working out and even watching what I eat. It's hard to be obese, binging food every night, and still date a 'normie.' Outside of this site, the weight was getting in the way, I felt, as I was still trying to keep my gainer side a secret. It had taken about 2 years to go from under 200 to that weight, and I probably could have kept going. It was going well honestly in the photo I was probably around 225, and at my heaviest I'd been 245. The last picture I'd posted was 4 years ago, back when I'd attempted to gain. "I'll make you as fat as you'd like, just say the word." I hadn't gotten a message like that in a while. Instafeeder500 had sent me a message that was probably typical to the actual gainers on this site. But while rare messages weren't unheard of, so I checked it. Messages were rare, as I basically just lurked on there nowadays, reveling in the photos and stories of men brave enough to do what I couldn't. I had a new message on the gainer website I visited regularly. Then waddle back eagerly, fat cheeks blushing as I feel my pillowy hips and exposed overhang wobbling. Turn before the mirror, disgust and desire, moaning as I cup my hang, tease a roll, handle my sensitive dough. And two, to haul my engorged body off the couch and waddle slowly to my bedroom, hands restless on my belly, feeling at its swollen new size, to bend down with difficulty and pull open a drawer - the one where I keep all the clothes I’ve outgrown, and slowly, painstakingly force my wobbling body into them.
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I’m so full I can barely get up, but there are only two reasons I force myself to try. They’re needy whispers, intended to spur me on, and they do. Fingertips massaging into my thick fat, moaning, whispering under my breath what have I done, what am I doing, but this time it’s not to talk myself out of it. I’m thinking of what to eat next before I’m even halfway through. It really seems real in that moment.īut then by the evening, I’m shoveling Ben & Jerry’s into my mouth, throbbing desperately as my soft heavy stomach drops out into my lap.
Alice clawing her way back up the rabbit hole and out of Wonderland. I could stop craving the gasps and the stares and the shock. I could stop dressing like I’m a sip of water away from all my fat flopping out. That’s a permanent and irreversible consequence of my actions. I’ll always have cellulite and stretch marks. I’m not in a position to ever become a Hemsworth, and I know it - maybe I was once, but not now that I’ve done all this to myself. The thing that makes it so believable at the time is that I’m realistic about it. I think about how nice it would be for everything to just go back to normal, before I fell headfirst into this surreal addiction to transformation and embarrassment. I think to myself, ‘come on, what are you doing with all this weight gain stuff? It ends today.’ What will I look like in 5 years? How far gone will I be? There honestly are days, even now, when I wake up early, drink some water, go for a walk and feel good in a very normal way.